To quote Ewan Mcgregor from Moulin Rouge:

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is to love, and to be loved in return.”

Yes, I believe it is all very equitable, to love and to be loved. I’m just not feeling right these days. Lately, I just feel incapable of receiving love, although I’m all out for giving it. There is also the saying, how can you love someone, if you don’t love yourself? So my actions are like a big contradiction, or maybe I’m just confusing things.

Over the years in Melbourne, my favourite friends to hang out with have been couples. I feel more comfortable with people who are in a relationship I guess. They are less assuming and are easier to communicate with. The only problem I have with these excursions are that I feel at times that I’m just a bright shining light bulb who shouldn’t be there. Heh, the couples I hang out with over the years have changed, I apparently, have not.

For me, there is a need to feel understood. My close friends know my whims and can predict my little needs. I still recall the words of my highschool English teacher. She said guys tend to be more physical for relationships, needing proximity while girls could be easily content with emotional connections. I’m not sure about a girl’s view of things, but I do feel the perception on guys is pretty valid.

I have always tried to think of behalf of other people. Maybe that is a mistake, for you can never really know how a person feels. It is difficult to put in words how we feel, as it is difficult to be rational about feelings anyways. Sometimes it’s easier to just leave out the words, and to resolve things through other actions. For me, just spending time together with other people is adequate to resolve these issues.

Heh, I’m quite used to these phases of thought, which seem to crop up more frequently during exam periods. These emotions usually cause me more distress than I would otherwise admit. This time round, it feels different. I am very much detached from emotions, only because I want to be. Emotions can bring such joy, and as at the opposite end, they bring pain as well. Maybe I’m afraid, but I’d rather forego the joy than to feel any pain that is associated with it. Yes, it would seem that I’m trying to be difficult here, but pretending to feel good about everything isn’t exactly the truth.

The above should not make very much sense. Even if it does, I hope that no one tries to interpret it and to assume how I’m feeling. I don’t want anything to be done about it, other than to just let it be.

This blog entry is only to serve as a historical marker, should I ever find time or am interested in looking at the philosophical aspects of space and time. Heh, for the funny bit, none of my friends get what I’m trying to ramble on about certain properties of time and space through human sensory perceptions.

Here are some links which I have found most useful throughout the semester for background reading and understanding. Both links cover in depth (reasonably more than the average reader would need to know) the topics that have persisted to make man ponder (and give me headaches).

The Links
The Evolution of the Concepts of Space and Time – This selection of chapters discusses space and time in chronological order. Even at 2,000BC, you’d think man had better things to do than to think up such weirdness.

Philosophy of Space and Time – This is from the Philosophy Department in Kyoto University. Heh, I have my suspicions on where all the grandiose ideas used in anime for their fictitious worlds come from now. A lot of the material is in English, and the finer points of certain topics are summarized to make sense.

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy – Pretty much if you want to know something philosophically related that you have a strong curiousity for, here’s the place to find it.