It is just a paper thin borderline between me staying calm and me having destructive tendencies towards objects near me. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, denial so that ignorance is bliss, or awareness but having an inability to proceed. Heh, will just settle for cool, calm exterior now. The less I feel, either positive or negative emotions, the better for everyone and everything around me.

Was at a psychometric testing session this morning. This was for prospective employment, and I was surprised to see the number of people who attended. I’m pretty sure there are at least a few hundred candidates who are vying for a position in the bank I applied for. The session went ok I think, probably did better in the numeric and abstract tests than I did in the verbal comprehension one.

Past all that, it feels really hopeless at times. Finding a job is so much tougher here in Melbourne, especially when you have competition from the locals and every other international student/graduate also looking for the same jobs.

*sigh* Can’t help but feel pessimistic about it. Heh, for someone who has been so dependent on social and financial support from home, I don’t know if life can get anymore depressing than this. The clock is ticking, but events haven’t changed very much for a while now. Patience is especially difficult when you have no idea what you are waiting for and even worse when you don’t know what to do about it.