makumaro.net

Reasoning and Impulse

Been doing research over various stuff the last few days. Heh, there’s been this urge to splurge on various items, but after a while, I can’t seem to be able to get myself to put money down on the things that I want (want, not need.)

As usual, the Internet allows you to find almost anything. I’m already bass the beginner stage on knowledge regarding the various Gundam models and the tools/techniques required to assemble one. Heh, this keen interest is almost like an obsession at times, just perusing through specifications to find the right bang for buck in what I want. Personally, I’m quite keen on getting a Master Grade Gundam Freedom model. Only problem is the only source to purchase one of these things is from Chinatown, at a cool AUD$95. Working exchange rates, you can get the same thing for only Â¥3,800 in Japan, which works out to be roughly AUD$44 after conversion at current rates. Well, in short, that sucks.

It’s really not the question about affording the $95 to buy the model. It’s all the other factors keyed in that make this such a difficult decision. On impulse, I’d buy it without second thought. However, spending that kind of money on something that’s just useful for adorning my desktop isn’t really reasonable. I’d argue there is the wow factor to it, but then it will also collect dust sooner or later (dust, the eternal enemy of cleanliness. Just vacuumed the innards of my computer today.).

It’s always about want, want and want. I always argue with the reasoning that I don’t need it. Full stop. That ends all discussions. I’m just thinking I’m wasting all my precious time pondering back and forth. Then there’s the curiousity of the experience that slowly creeps up on me and overwhelms all logic in the reasoning. Back to square one.

Heh, friend was saying I shouldn’t be so indecisive about it. I know I shouldn’t be, and I’ll probably just keep oogling and pictures online and never be truly satisfied until I buy it. Knowing myself, I’ll never be truly satisfied with the purchase (it’s not one of those bargains where you know you’ll never get a better deal if you pass it on now) but I won’t have any terrible regrets on it either.

Branching out into the subject further, there’s also the issue of taking the extra step in whatever you do. With models, that extra step would be painting the model. Now, that would require extra skills and pouring more cash into something with no return, other than a really nice desktop paperweight of a decoration. I would really go that extra mile, if it weren’t for the money issue.

Time and effort is something I never worry about, it’s not wasted since I’ll always learn something from it. Hmm, I could apply the same reasoning to cash as well, since you can always earn it back. Heh, I’m thinking it’s worth that 7 days of pleasure, before the novelty effect of assembling and playing around with the model dissipates.

I could also rant on about my desire to make my computer silent, which would cost another whole heap of unnecessary money, but I’ll save that boring discussion for another time.

No More

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long, long time.

No more sending out job applications that either receive no answer, or come back telling me they don’t want me.

No more looking through job ads to see if there’s something I’m suitable for.

No more feeling out of focus, and despairing at a sense of joblessness.

No more.

I’m feeling happy, yet humbled at the experience. Heh, so many people to thank. I’m truly grateful for all the support.

Various Thoughts

• Listening to: Toshihiko Sahashi - Ignited (Piano Version)

Life (for me) now is a bunch of materials all bunched up together and held with superglue, gravity, sticks and stones. At any moment, I could just fall down, or grow higher and higher. I don’t know anymore.

Heh, only partially interested in what goes on around me. Things are in a state of semi consciousness, I know of the politics that are happening, some grandeous scientific ventures underway and just my internal state of affairs in its usual calamitous ways. Human relationships are intriguing, and I don’t think many of us ponder about it beyond the general definition of being family or friend.

Patience? How long do you have to wait before you don’t have an ounce of hope left? I don’t know why, but one feels at ease if you could quantify something. Everything is about benchmarking, if you’re achieving something tangible, you feel more confident with your progress. That’s why we do the things we do to strive for material wealth, perhaps as a benchmark to prove something?

Sometimes longing for something is more desirable than having something. Your imagination runs wild wondering how things would be like. Having something, stuff loses its intrigue and you start to reason out all the pros and cons. Objectivity without bias only happens without preference. Looking forward to new sensations is just as poisonous as holding back and thriving on the things you’ve become so accustomed to. It becomes an addiction of sorts that you’d unwillingly give up.

* * *

It’s odd how people have worked out how social functions form. The first introduction and meeting never really mean very much. The idea is that you’d only meet this person once in your life and never see them again. No point wasting precious neurons forming the synaptic patterns that become permanently imprinted as an impression in your mind.

The second meeting knowing you’ll have a third and so forth, the mind is more at ease, and you are yourself as much as you’re willing to be as a public face. Candid, jovial. As long as there is the confidence of being accepted, not just by yourself, but those around who are close to you. That is the chameleon at work, always changing colours to find fit.

Then there are those who are straight faced no matter what situation they are put into. The confidence these people exude boast an ego that worries not about one’s frailties. The confidence disregards the need to be accepted, just the need to be acknowledged. That acknowledgement, can be as singular as the person who needs it.

* * *

My mind is constantly like that. Wondering about the things that make us tick. It’s cryptic only because too much goes on with too little being said.