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14 hours to Freedom!

Motivation comes best the day before the exam.

There has been a sense of inertia, and lack of purpose, the few days prior to this. Heh, tomorrow IS the exam itself, so the mind knows it can’t wiggle its way out of studying anymore. More productive in the last couple of hours than I have been over the last week. Previously, my record was concentrating for 40 minutes before my mind wandered off to other things. It’s been 2 hours now and I’m still keen on studying (this is a short break). Wondering how I made it past 4 1/2 years of university life (or 5 and 6 years of secondary and primary school together).

* * *

I’ve been full of angst lately. It’s not even my exam that’s the culprit.

I want to be a more patient person, to be understanding and to not hold on to the bitter end of petty little things. Sometimes things go awry and you have no control over it. That desire for control sometimes leads you to become angry and selfish. Sometimes you want to stand by your own opinions, feeling that it’s justified. I think things through and maybe I should always learn to let go of pent up frustrations.

I am part of a generation who grew up on learning and experiencing through the various literature I could get my hands on. Sometimes I feel that this generation of mine is more egocentric, as compared to a generation before where family came first and that’s how importance was placed upon what things got done. This generation feels lost at times. We aspire so much but when you get down to doing it, there is always something holding you back. Your path doesn’t seem as clear now compared to when you were young and as you grow older and meet more people, there is a growing sense of responsibility you need to fulfill.

* * *

I just want to be an anchor during storms at sea, that no matter what happens, I can always be steadfast and dependable to those around me.

Personally

• Listening to: Jay Chou - Yi Lu Xiang Bei

At times, I feel I could fill this blog with thoughts in the morning and thoughts at night.

Heh, my cousin says I’m very random at times when I talk. The first sentence not correlating to the next one. A few friends would agree.

Sometimes there’s just plenty going on in my mind. There are so many facets of life to explore, like taking pictures, what it means and all the little things that go with it. A moment later I’d be thinking of finance portfolios, of what is a good basket of industries to trade in. Was learning Hiragana earlier in the day. Figured out how to right the sounds of ‘a i u e o’ yesterday. Trying to pick up the next line of syllables now. Thinking how I actually managed to learn Chinese, as the strokes have a specific order, or what the strokes are called. Everything has a general rule of thumb, like ‘i’ before ‘e’ or something like that. Realised I’m not a very good teacher, for sometimes I take my own shortcuts, and things aren’t apparent to the person you’re teaching. I managed to learn about things because some are better teachers than others. Or maybe animating a lightsabre scene in my mind. Full of sound effects, some extravagant plot of a storyline, I can see the stylised moves of light and sound converging. Maybe playing director in my own mind, thinking how cool it’d be to be able to pull of the technical implementations of it all.

Sometimes you feel warmer in your own thoughts than elsewhere. It may be self confidence, but you don’t feel bombarded by peripheral senses or expectations when you ponder about the world. Many things go on about you that sometimes you fear, but are too dismissive to worry about. Heh, not that some things are worth worrying about.

I could be just tired.

A Week

• Listening to: Jay Chou - Feng

Before I sit for my exam.

For those out of the loop, I’m taking a Finance based exam next week.

Heh, my last test was a driving test (which went horrendously, I passed, but that’s not something I’ll discuss) and I didn’t like it. My next test I like even less. I was never a fan of taking exams, although I do believe they are a necessary evil to gauge (even if it’s totally off in benchmarking at times) how well you know your topics.

Just visited the website for the Reserve Bank of Australia. Bond yields, CPI calculations, exchange rates, interest rates etc. The RBA does release a load full of information to keep you informed on current economic conditions, locally (Australia) and internationally. Heh, if you can decipher all of that, you can at least foresee what’s going to be happening in the short term and park your money accordingly.

Heh, I would have benefited from reading these things when I was doing Macroeconomics at uni. It vaguely interested me back then, and I feel I have more in common with these terminologies these days. All that’s been said, I still despise it, even if I find it intriguing.

Heh, love hate relationships. Weird.