makumaro.net

Aimlessly

Life seems to be through a magnifying glass at the moment. Things feel like they’ve been heavily scrutinised. Maybe it’s just me looking down at myself and thinking, what could be different?

I don’t really know if I’m doing enough sometimes. People work hard, they try hard, to do what they want to accomplish. Having a dream, an ideal, it pushes you along. I sometimes wonder what that ideal is, what the dream is for. I’m feeling contented, yet feeling that I shouldn’t just idle around and be happy. At times it feels like happiness is wrong, that one should not be given that luxury. There is the constant soul searching. I’m wondering if you need to learn everything through mistakes? Do we always have to give up something to get something in return? Maybe if we could have been born wise, to understand more, maybe then we wouldn’t cause so much pain and suffering or heartache. Then I think, the world is about extremes, without extreme sadness, you wouldn’t feel extreme happiness. There would be nothing to distinguish it if life was one sided.

I’m feeling a little distant from whatever dreams that I may have. Heh, there are the many physical, tangible things in life that I can do with my friends. Somehow, they seem like faint memories once they pass, and become forgotten as soon as they lose significance. Just a little lost.

Quiet Morning

• Listening to: Nujabe + Fat Jon - Mystline

Heh, enjoying Krispy Kreme donut now (courtesy of good housemate, will do something nice back later, heh). Something with a lemon jam like filling in it. Don’t know why it’s spelled ‘donut’ as I know I’ve learnt it as ‘doughnut’. These donuts can currently only be found in Sydney, and seem to be very famous, with a Melbourne branch opening like an hour’s drive way from the city. Anyway…

The days seem to be riding past so quickly with activities day in and day out with people I’ve known. Jack was back in Melbourne for his graduation (a good one and the half years) late and I’ve been hanging out with some old friends, hearing about old friends and doing old things. Heh, the nostalgia is nice, but I’m constantly thinking about the people I currently know. Heh, my requirements for a mobile phone these days apart from the usual talking and texting, I also need it to be able to log on to MSN. I’m like chatting with other people on my phone while I’m currently in a room full of people who can talk to you anyways.

Heh, now a little conscience of how I present myself to people. Trying not to be too unruly and just let my hair down too much. It’s like a little self restraint, heh, so I don’t break anything (although I can think of situations that beg to differ).

Just wanting a quiet end to the month, and pick up some steam with some of the ideas I’ve had for the beginning of May. Heh, trying to mentally drill myself to get the ball rolling for anything I want to do. It’s inertia, but once you start, things just happen to move along.

The 5 Minute Post

• Listening to: Nujabe + Fat Jon - Aruarian Dance

I find that my greatest sparks of imagination come when I’m walking home from somewhere, usually with an urge to write a post. Top that up with a need to finish the post in 5 minutes, and I’m bursting with ideas on what to jot down.

Life has been bustling with activity lately. Friend from New Zealand popped by, and I’ve been spending time with a bigger circle of friends that I know of. Heh, so many people to learn new experiences from yet so little time. I kid that I’d always spend my free time in front of my computer learning things or just entertaining myself with games or movies. That sounds like my ‘ideal’ kind of life, but truthfully, I am more interested in the learning process outside. Picking up someone else’s thoughts does give you a sense of what’s going on beyond that little piece of sky outside my own well (the analogy to the frog inside the well, Chinese proverb).

People are constantly on my thoughts. They are the friends and family in my life, the people who have made a difference in my outlook and my future prospects in how I want to see things through. I care enough about them that I want to impart a tiny bit of me in them. Heh, we don’t get to choose who our family is, nor do we get to pick the ideal kind of friend to meet. We can only cherish the good things and times we get together.

I’d like to end with a quote by Mother Theresa that I feel is worth sharing

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.