Life seems to be through a magnifying glass at the moment. Things feel like they’ve been heavily scrutinised. Maybe it’s just me looking down at myself and thinking, what could be different?

I don’t really know if I’m doing enough sometimes. People work hard, they try hard, to do what they want to accomplish. Having a dream, an ideal, it pushes you along. I sometimes wonder what that ideal is, what the dream is for. I’m feeling contented, yet feeling that I shouldn’t just idle around and be happy. At times it feels like happiness is wrong, that one should not be given that luxury. There is the constant soul searching. I’m wondering if you need to learn everything through mistakes? Do we always have to give up something to get something in return? Maybe if we could have been born wise, to understand more, maybe then we wouldn’t cause so much pain and suffering or heartache. Then I think, the world is about extremes, without extreme sadness, you wouldn’t feel extreme happiness. There would be nothing to distinguish it if life was one sided.

I’m feeling a little distant from whatever dreams that I may have. Heh, there are the many physical, tangible things in life that I can do with my friends. Somehow, they seem like faint memories once they pass, and become forgotten as soon as they lose significance. Just a little lost.