Monthly Archives: November 2006

Angst

★ Posted on at 06:51 pm ★

I play the scene in my mind a few times and try to justify the issues at times. It just never plays out correctly. No matter how you phrase it, you can’t say what you feel without offending someone else.

There is tension in the air these days. Two of my close friends at work are preparing for their CFA exam next month. Vyanne and her housemates are also doing the same, along with most of the people I know. You need to dance a delicate dance around people during these moments or else you will end up offending them.

I have tried to be supportive of people around me, but sometimes there’s just nothing you can do to make the situation better, only compound it. Work has been dreary as there is a lack of motivation that is slowly seeping into me. When everything is bleak like this, we tend to drown in our own worries and insecurities, and there is a need to express ourselves in a way to release these pent up emotions.

I may say mean and tactless things at times, focusing on negative issues instead of the positive ones. I admit to being wrong and do apologise even if I cannot take back the things I say. At the time I was just thinking of me. It takes a lot of energy to prop yourself up while supporting others around you, and sometimes you find yourself lacking in that department. I feel terribly helpless at times, being able to only mirror people’s emotions, and not having anyway to make everyone cheer up. I soon decline into a spiral of self doubt. Likewise, one can choose to get angry or just be forgiving. Then again, forgiving requires more mental control and energy to pull off, hence it’s much easier to just be angry and blame people for not being appreciative enough. It is an automatic response, thinking all about “me”.

We are all accountable for our actions, it’s just whether we choose to be responsible for them.

Starting November

★ Posted on at 12:25 am ★

Daylight savings has kicked in (lost one hour in the transition). Need to adjust to the sun setting at 9pm and rising at 530am. Work habits have also changed a bit as London and New York are a little out of sync and work revolves around what happens in these two parts of the world. Time really flies, as it is already November and the end of the year is nearing. It is exam periods for everyone I know and I guess the mood is sort of dull at the moment. Nobody is enjoying it very much and I remember the time I had to study for exams. The weeks before the exam I’d be trying to cram information in, and I’d be like a flat tire after an hour or two of study, having lost all air. The day before the exam I usually just glance through stuff and set myself off to play. Heh. If you haven’t finished studying by then, you are in deep trouble.

I have an exam in December and am just chilling out at the moment. Will worry about it starting at the end of this week. It is only one subject with little calculations and mainly memorising. There is no World Cup or travelling to Sydney to keep me preoccupied. Heh, will just need to spend some quiet time at Melbourne Uni’s law library, although it’s hardly quiet as students tend to ‘study’ aloud and get quite rowdy.

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Concerns of late has been on the global ecosystem. The weather has gone quite mad and all this is blamed on the carbon dioxide emissions from fossil fuels used to fuel factories/industries. It is of great concern to the world as harsh weather systems make growing crops difficult or just impossible. Extreme weather brings about extreme heat or cold, which is detrimental to the fragile bodies of people. The world is lulled by statistics like GDP growth, revenue/profits and whatever that can increase productivity. We as a species are consuming more than what nature can replace and it will not last forever. One of the other detrimental effects of this all is I see a lot of people today who think that problems can be solved with money. If you need something, you just plonk money down and it will happen. Nobody seems to be willing to learn anymore on how things get from its natural source to its consumable form. Economies of scale allow us to participate in large scale manufacturing as we can seemingly pile on unlimited resources in a project, but this takes its toll on the environment. I just hope that the same technology we have that is destroying the world can save it.

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It’s only been a month, but my tulip pot has mainly melted. Well, all the flowers had gone a long time ago and I’m now waiting for all the leaves to die off so I can dig the bulbs out for storage until April next year. It would be a miracle if I can get them to flower again.

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One of my very many flower photos.

oneofmanyroses