I wonder if it’s nostalgic, but I feel like an empty shell at times, meeting old friends from long ago. I find it hard to muster up any enthusiasm to meet friends I am less close with. I have a few I am quite fond of, and would very gladly go out of my way to have the opportunity to meet them. Most times I just tag along to meet old acquaintances, and can’t help but feel like an observer looking in. Birds of a feather flock together, so I must be having fur. It’s just odd not having the same things to talk about, or the same ideals. Used to recall how financial status was a roadblock to conversation (or it could just be me). People would talk about their trips overseas and their shopping sprees. Again I feel so terribly detached from that.

Spent time practicing music with my cousins today. I am the weakest link, as I usually play for leisure and never needed to perfect anything. My cousin is amazing at 12, playing grand pieces like Fantasy Impromptu with ease, while also learning the violin and clarinet (his sister is equally impressive and learning these things as well). I look back and think about myself. I’d wish I had more discipline as a kid, when I had the opportunities to learn all these musical instruments. Patience grew in me too late, and I never had the capacity to practice the same routines over and over again. I really wish I did now.

Well, the part of the music was that I felt very comfortable learning from my cousin, and I am glad he was patient enough with me to let me continuously make mistakes on my part.

Coming back to Malaysia each time a part of me grows and a part of me disappears. The world is changing quite a bit and as a kid, even while I was growing up, one had the illusion that it would last forever. Somehow you know, that it doesn’t, and the things that you do enjoy, you really want to cherish and remember.