Monthly Archives: August 2007

Semi Vague

★ Posted on at 11:10 am ★

In a semi dreamlike state.

I’ve been doodling images for the past half hour. My textbooks in primary school were filled with robots and fighter planes, all from the influences of watching Transformers and Robotech back then. I recall having a talent for drawing back then, and as I grew older, my imagination just waned, until finally when I entered first year of university, I just stopped drawing entirely.

I guessed it reached a stage when I couldn’t learn anymore and it was so habitual I’d draw the way I did. It’s one of the styles of how I did things, to always perfect one method before trying something new. I’ve been doing that with everything I’ve tried to learn so far, and found it rather stifling.

I wonder if that character had anything to do with how I grew up. There was a limitation in resources back then, so you only spent on what you needed. Heh, so there is a conversative streak in me, never ever letting go and going all the way. I still recall what Ethan Hawke said to his brother, as they both raced across the lake and his brother normally bested him way before they reached the halfway mark. This time it was his brother who couldn’t keep up and had to be helped to the other end of the lake. So his brother was amazed and asked how he could do it, Ethan Hawke’s character just said,”I never saved energy for the swim back.” In short, he just gave it his all to reach his destination, never holding back just in case he felt he couldn’t do it.

I feel like I’ve been pushing against a brick wall for a very long time. The liberating idea is that I’ve finally learnt to walk around it, instead of trying so hard to force my way through it. Yes, eureka!

Two Months and Going

★ Posted on at 11:04 am ★

There is a certain lethargy setting in.

I’m tired from the weeks of work, having had to stay back a couple of times past 8pm. Sure, a lot of other people do that as well around the world, but I’m not ‘a lot of other people’. Heh, at least the two times were because I had to settle a lease and my boss wanted to go for a beer, so I had to drop my work for a bit to fix up other things first. It’s good that work can be flexible in that sense, but I’d still rather finish it all up and go.

* * *

Somehow I feel I’m labouring my way through this now. I’ve always been confident of the idea that if you embrace something you’d be able to make yourself like and enjoy it. That’s partially keeping me in going at the moment. NYC is fascinating, work is interesting, but life just seems to be an emptiness at the moment. It’s the continuous idea I know I will never stay that somehow keeps me off balance and I just don’t seem comfortable or being able to fit in. I took this idea to the extreme when I just arrived and it felt like a survival contest more than it felt like I was living.

It’s having stayed at Melbourne for so long now, I know what to expect from things to come. Here, it’s just stifling everytime I have to learn something new just to be able to get on with life. For once, I really can’t feel the happiness and pride people have in me for having come this far. It is a lonely journey I can assure you and as much as I like my work, it’s not really the driving force behind me all the time.

* * *

There are good things though. I’ve been forced out of character so many times now to get things done that I’m feeling more comfortable expressing myself. It has also made me feel stronger about the things I want to achieve in life.

My stay here will be memorable, but it’s something I really like to get on with and move out of the way as soon as possible.

Starting August

★ Posted on at 12:27 am ★

The thing I find endearing about this blog and why I keep at it, is that I can just pull up an entry from this time a year ago and see what I was up to then. You don’t need much effort but slowly, the amount of posts pile up and I’m one with a very short term memory that requires a little kick from behind to recall things that have happened. Heh, this site is going into its third year, and I’m probably still writing random blobs of information every now and then, but it really does give me insight into what my thoughts were not so long ago.

* * *

I’ve taken a great deal of interest in my camera again. I’ve been so tempted to just upgrade my D70 to either a D80 or a D200 and while I could probably afford either, just don’t feel justified spending that kind of money on a new body. I’ve been reading a lot lately, on forums and in books, and find that there’s a lot of basic skills I still lack. I spend a lot of effort post processing to spruce up a picture, but I’ve found that there is a way to get pictures to look like those in glossy magazines out of the box.

The two most important things I need to really work my way through now is exposure and framing. I’ve always nitpicked my camera’s shortcomings, but I’ve never actually made the effort to learn my way around them. While I do complain about the small viewfinder and small LCD display that screws up my focus, there are other issues like getting the right amount of light and pleasing white balance out of the camera.

Heh, could probably write some short manuals one day, on what to focus on while picking up these things. It’s always easier with someone handholding you until you know how to get off your training wheels and ride freely into the wind. Then again, there’s a spark of discovery and self amazement when you do figure things out on your own, and it sticks to you longer as you know how and why it works.

Learning for kids is like drawing on a white canvas. Learning for older people is more to forgetting bad habits and relearning good ones. A lot of times it’s not that we can’t pick up something new but it’s that we are so used to doing certain things in certain ways that it just hampers our progress forward as it’s easier to just plod along than to rework the wheel.

* * *

I probably should try to recall that I’m half way through my second month in NYC. Still lots to learn at work, just dislike all the other things I have to handle outside of work. Been trying to look up apartments and I’ve learnt a few things in the real estate market here and looking at places I’ve also been to different areas around New York and the areas are all different. I’m a liittle spoilt now as my colleague had placed me near Times Square, which is in the centre of Manhattan and close to everything. Just not keen to uproot and move to some place further. Heh, I’d stay here if I could afford the rent, but it would just consume like big chunks of my salary and isn’t quite worth it.

I guess the disapproval of moving is also due to the reason I’ve set up a daily routine and it’s barely been a few months and I’ll have to rework what’s most efficient for me in getting myself to work and all that.

I’m just feeling a little wary from all the apartment searching, running up and down, hoping to find an ideal place. There are really ups and downs and living with family and friends so far away, the downs tend to be quite dreary and more than one would like to bear at times.

Really looking forward to a break in August when I go back to Melbourne and KL. Haven’t had too many holidays this year. The short break to New Zealand wasn’t quite long enough. Not looking forward to the flight back though, as the first leg is 30 hours long. Might just pick up an RPG for my DS Lite so that I can keep myself occupied during the long flight back. There’s only so much sleeping you can do on the plane.

* * *

Life is like some dream gone wild now, off on some magic carpet chasing the wind. Just want my two feet on the ground now.