There is this tendency of me to revert to old habits, but I guess it affects everyone. The only reason it’s because sometimes its easier to deal with things you are familiar with than to go out and explore beyond your boundaries.

After a week back in NYC, finally adjusting properly to the timezone and work habits. Chilling out a little this weekend. Watched the England vs Israel Euro 2008 qualifier match on the Internet. Heh, haven’t seen England play with such flare for quite a while, and there were plenty of outstanding performances from the whole team. The passing was fluid and players went out of their way to retrieve the ball from the opposition. I’m not sure why I root for the England team, they have star talent, but not in the mould of teams like Brazil or France or Italy.

Just feel like expressing my thoughts at the moment. Thinking constantly of home, Vyanne, and the future. Life here in NYC feels like I’m walking on the edge of a cliff sometimes, where I can go forward, but am constantly looking over to the side and balancing myself, hoping I don’t fall. There seems to be that fear of falling off and I can’t put my finger on why it is. Maybe it’s like habit, I’m used to being around friends and family, and I feel confident enough that I can be holding onto people and guiding them through the treacherous cliffs I fear from falling from now.

Perhaps it’s coming home to an empty apartment, with no familiar faces to greet you, to joke to my housemates. Heh, there was a time I’d come home and walk straight to my room, bypassing my housemates. I have probably changed a lot since then, that suddenly I value human interaction. Just an exchange of words, a smile or a hug. You feel warmer inside. It is perhaps the feeling that I am nobody here, not a boyfriend, not a housemate or not a cousin. I lack that identity over the weekends, and feel I have very little to contribute to an empty apartment room, leaving you with nothing to look forward to.

Heh, it’s not depressing, although it used to be at the very beginning.There is just a tinge of sadness at times. When it comes down to it, I just need to give myself a kick in the butt to get going.