Tonight’s dinner. Pork chop on rice, with the complementary vegetables fried with garlic and dried shrimp. That’s the last of the brussel sprouts and it will be a while before I have any craving for it.

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It’s raining blocks of ice or water at the moment but I’m not quite sure. All I know is that there is a constant pitter patter of rain, and sometimes it’s louder than it should be. The water was quite cold earlier, and by the time I finished washing the rice grains, I had to use my left hand to test the level of water relative to the rice as my right hand was already frozen numb.

It’s been a crummy Christmas so far. I shouldn’t complain, but at least I want to remember how bad it’s been. I usually look forward to this time of the year, when you sort of tidy up everything you’ve done and there’s always something to celebrate. Sadly, there isn’t much to celebrate about this year, nor is there anyone to celebrate with. I recall over the years, that if I’m in Malaysia, there would be plenty of feasting at my relative’s place during Christmas and on New Year’s eve. In Melbourne, even the time I had to work crazy shifts at the fish shop (circa 2004), my then boss had a BBQ at his place on Christmas day. Everyone would get together and we’d be eating and be merry.

I managed to devolve into a grumpy sourpuss over the last few days. I’ve never bothered very much with being alone in NYC just experiencing and exploring. Work has slowed down due to the holiday season, and everyone has packed up to go visit their family or have friends around. I don’t know which is worse, spending time alone or with people you don’t really know and can’t be yourself with. So I opted for the former, as I didn’t bother trying too hard to go out and mingle.

It just got more depressing that everyone I know had plans to do stuff and it reminded me more of my ‘plight’. It’s supposed to be a fun and cheerful time, and I can’t respond to cheerful people with my personal dissatisfaction of things, but the cheerfulness of the season is jarring against my senses now, like having listened to the same jingle over and over again.

Right now my only cure would be a deviation from the daily routine. Would like to go catch a movie or something, just to do something different. Everything else I’ve done lately seems to have been a disappointment, like being grumpy, for one, so I want to just do something where my only interaction is to just give my full attention. Heh, will see how it goes.