Everytime i drive pass the trees turning yellow, I feel like whipping out my camera to take a photo. Got round to it today and decided to do something a little different. Wanted to try the fisheye lens to go really up close and grab as wide an angle as possible to capture the leaves. Still lots to learn with composition and exposure.

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Soccer season is officially over. Woke up this morning to watch my team get beaten up real bad by Barcelona. The gulf in class is too evident, and it really does feel like you are watching tiki taka football as Manchester United was pretty much passed to death. Like in 2009, they started brightly for the first 10 minutes then faded away, as you can’t be harrying your opponents for the ball the way they did without having an oxygen tank strapped to your back.

It was a worthy final, and while I was hopeful they could pull a comeback, you really become mesmerised by the way the Barcelona players zipped the ball around and some of the finishing was world class.

Another 3 months of transfer rumours and a plot to get better next season. Can’t wait.

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Have another couple of days at work, then I’m free. I really need the time to do things. There are lots of things that need to be done, things that I’d like to do, and things that I want to do. Only 24 hours a day and I might cram it to 6 hours of sleep for the next few weeks to just get things done. The usual house chores and personal administrative stuff, and having relatives visiting, it will get busy.

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Also of note for the week is that I’ve been cooking again and playing lots of Guitar Hero. Heh, the rinse and repeat method of doing things works for me. I try to do something, fail miserably, and not quite get where I have got it wrong. A few weeks or months down the road when I have totally forgotten about what I’ve done before, I go back and try it again, suddenly things seem more intuitive and you have an idea on what you should be doing. The labouring in the kitchen and in front of the television seems to make more sense now.

The only other example I can think of that relates to this is the endless amount of times we had to go through doing additions/subtractions, memorising the multiplication table over and over again. It may seem tedious to some, but what it has done is ingrained in those of us who tried to master it the ability to do mental arithmetic at will, and not relying on a calculator to do your sums for you.

I guess this method works for me, the only difference these days is that I have improved that process a bit and look directly at what I fail at (I used to ignore it, hoping I get it right the next time), and I try to not fall back to habit and do the wrong thing again. This is also part of what I have learned from the last hard weeks at work.

Sometimes you really need a knock to wake up and realise what is going on.

I do enjoy the cooler weather some days, and don’t mind so much if it’s cold and wet. It gives a freshness to life anyway. Autumn is slowly slipping away and there’s still some green on the trees, which I intend to take advantage off before it all fades away.

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It’s been an interesting two weeks. I finally gave up on the job and handed in my resignation. There are those of the opinion that I should not have left without having secured a new job. That’s the pragmatic approach. There’s also the opinion that I should have worked out what was bothering me. Deep down, the environment and people I had to deal with was slowly sapping my energy. When you lose interest in your work, you aren’t keen to continue with it. Then there’s also the overwhelming opinion that I was brave to make the choice I did. At times you want to justify it, but at this stage, all I want to do is to break free. We tie ourselves to this ‘system’ of life so much that it’s very stifling.

I have learned about human character. I’m not sure if I am a good judge of character, but patience brings out the truth of what people really are. There are two sides to a coin, and I can see the good and bad (from my point of view anyway) of different people. If you stop believing in something, it is time to find out what you believe in and put your energies there.

I have learned that you should always be proud of your work. You should make it your responsibility and find out if it is yours to be responsible for. It’s easy to push the work around, but there are times that you must step up and be held accountable for what you do. I have produced really good work before, and then I have also let myself slide and produced just enough to scrape by. I promise myself that in whatever future endeavours I do, I shall put all the effort that I need to get it done right. This is something that has slowly dawned on me and I am applying it to everything I do now, not just the things I like doing.

I have learned that what I have experienced these past couple of months may pop up again in the future but I am better prepared to deal with it now. Sometimes you need a blank slate to start over and discover who you really are. It is regrettable that things have come to this, but it has given me a great experience on how the world operates. You fall down and you scrape yourself, but you learn to stand up and avoid falling down again.

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I am still busy with whatever’s left at work. I am hoping to secure new work soon, but if I can have a break from it all, I wouldn’t mind it as much either. There will be time to read up on the administrative side of setting up a business, which is ultimately needed for me to properly setup one. Heh, I’m thinking of a shiny new camera, and there’s no better way to procure one than through a business.

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Heh, May always seems to be an ambivalent month for me, always preparing for the unknown (coming back from New York, getting ready to move into a new house, quitting my job). Well, come what may. When we get too comfortable, we forget what it’s like to truly be alive.

I like the fiery reds from autumn leaves. There’s still a chance to capture some of them before they all fall off leaving just the carcass of trees when winter sets in.

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I’m at a point in time at work where I don’t feel like I’m contributing very much any more. I used to be very orderly with how I organised my work, and these days, I’m just a disorganized mess chasing shadows. I am not a good complainer, and am never good at defending myself when it comes to work. I don’t have the instant comeback required to re butt people. It’s always in hind sight that I could have spoken up. This needs to change, as it has bugged me in the past and continues to annoy me throughout life.

So no more complaints and no more excuses. I shall silently setup the things I need to get done. I haven’t failed spectacularly in a while but I have confidence in picking myself up again, so if I have to fail to wake up, I’ll brace for it and let it come.

I’ve set the ball rolling. I feel that things are starting to move along. Now we’ll see where I end up.

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Just have the idea to plant some peas. This means another pot and I have some dead branches for support (chopped off from the sprawling willow tree up front). I wonder as to the kind of person I am, preferring not to get too caught up with the world, but sometimes you find yourself struggling against it. There are simpler things in life, like harvesting chillis from the chilli plant my ex housemate gave me (which I’m grateful for, it’s produced a wonderful crop so far and continues to produce even more). I am happpy when I get to use something from my herb garden for cooking, as it is fresh and more fragrant than anything you can purchase from the market or stores. I’m just short of rearing my own lifestock. I wouldn’t mind doing it if I had acres of grassland behind my house. Heh.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to do any soul searching. You are always busy with one thing or another. We tend to not stop and think when life is just pushing you on. Like any journey, sometimes you have to stop and ask for directions, just to see if you are going the right way. After that, you just have to make a choice.